Ever heard the expression ‘He or she is his/her own worst enemy’? Sure you have. So is it true? Usually it is. Today we will explore allowing and self-sabotage.
If you’re sitting there thinking that this is something that you do not do—think again. We all do it at some point in our life, some of us every single day. We shoot ourselves in the foot at work, with our mate, our children, friends even in our diet or exercise. And each time we do it there is a little voice inside our head saying, No, No, don’t do/say that! But we do it anyway. Why is that?
Well, there is no simple, easy answer and certainly no cure. This is a personal development issue and it requires constant effort. Now that’s not saying you can never change these habits, you can change any aspect of your life but it is saying that creep happens when you don’t pay attention. This is why personal development or self growth is a daily habit that the forward thinking person wants to cultivate.
So what answers can I give you? Self-sabotage comes from guilt, habit and belief. When it comes from guilt it is because you are not understanding that being guilty is living in the past. Guilt should last long enough for you to admit your mistake to yourself, forgive yourself and resolve not to repeat the behavior and no longer. Punishment is not required. Obviously I am not referring to criminal behavior but I find that people often have no distinctions around types of guilt and they punish themselves just as much for noncriminal offenses as they would expect for criminal ones. What a waste ! What can you do about yesterday? You can learn from it and move forward or you can live in it forever and never move forward. Your choice.
Habit and belief are adopting from those around you. It may be a family thing, maybe cultural, doesn’t matter-its simply learned behavior and if those around you spread that habit of believing that good things don’t happen to us and perhaps even told you how bad you are when scolding you for some misdemeanor then a belief that you are unworthy may have been instilled into you. But here's a secret; we all feel unworthy. Even Bill Gates, even Martha Stewart, even The Donald. Maybe not all the time, maybe rarely but everyone feels unworthy sometimes. So you need to wake up and forgive yourself. You are who you say you are—IF you want to be. Your character is totally your responsibility and totally under your control and nobody else's so you can make a mistake or two and that doesn’t make you unworthy. You can allow yourself to be and do and have more. And that will happen if you let go of that self-defeating stuff and allow.
Once you allow yourself then you can start to allow others and that is important because some part of you already knows that not allowing others to be who they are is judging. NOT YOUR JOB! Well, okay, it could be your job 9-5 so to speak but outside of work hours, not your job. Judging is the same as anger-it steals your joy. Its a poison. And anything you tell yourself to justify judging is just a story. The best way to lead is by example. The best way to tell people your opinion about how life should be conducted is to lead your own life that way. People can see for themselves if that is true. But when you say ‘do as I say not as I do’ what you are saying is ‘this is how to stay stuck.’
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