Resist or Persist?

On  my last post I wrote mostly about persisting and since sometimes it is easy to get confused as to whether you are resisting or persisting both this weeks posts are my effort to clarify things.

Persistence is never giving up on a dream but it doesn’t mean that you get to be the one to decide how your goals will be reached. Resistance is when you decide on a goal and don’t resist when the universe takes you in a direction you don’t necessarily think is the right direction. But it is tricky to know when its happening if you are running off the rails or headed for smooth sailing. The secret is in understanding that you do what you do to the best of your ability and do that wherever you are with whatever you have available to you.

Are you sitting there thinking well that's as clear as mud? Perhaps an example will help; Karen is a friend of mine. She always wanted to meet the Mr. Right and always found Mr. Wrong. She tried everything including dating sites, blind dates, etc. One day we were talking and I suggested she stop looking and concentrate on building a life she liked because that would make her more attractive to Mr. Right. One  of our other friends (who is a teacher), Nancy, once again invited Karen to take her class on stained glass crafting. So Karen took the class, loved it & started making stained glass and selling some of her work at craft fairs.

Long story short, Karen met Matt at the supply store where she bought her glass. He is the owner and also a lover of stained glass. They started dating soon after they met and ended up getting married. That was ten years ago and they are very happy.

Karen never gave up on her dream of finding the right guy, she just stopped resisting the direction she was being led to.

Persist or Resist?

I asked that question because it is one that often comes up for people and can be very tricky.

I know that you have probably heard that what you resist persists but this is sort of a different subject because that expression is in regards to the things that you find unpleasant.

Persistence in this post has to do with determination and never giving up. Resistance on the other hand refers to fighting the universe. What do I mean by that? I mean that you can name your goal but you really can’t decide the way or the how of attaining it. Sometimes the direction or way that you seem to be headed is not what you decided needed to be the way to go towards your goal but appearances can be deceiving.

Nelson Mandela is a great example of this. He wanted an end to apartheid but ended up with a life sentence in prison. To some it might have looked as if he would never achieve his goal and for a while he didn’t see the possibility but then one day he decided that where he was might just be an illusion and that there might still be a way.

He started writing  letters that ended up getting the attention of the world and the rest is history. He only did that because one day he stopped resisting the direction that the universe took him and persisted by finding a new way to work toward his goals.

More on resisting and persisting next post-till then start looking around and see if there is not some direction that the universe is trying to take you but that you are resisting and see if perhaps it is a direction that could work for you after all.

More Self Talk

What do you say to yourself when you happen to catch a look at your reflection-in a mirror, in a shop window or anywhere else?

Is it something negative, some criticism, some comment on your appearance, your weight or whatever?

What if I told you that any negative thoughts you have about yourself only serve to perpetuate whatever it is you don’t like in that reflection. Why is that? Because what you have going on inside you is showing up on the outside so if you are overweight it isn’t the food you eat, it isn’t the clothes you wear, it’s what you say when you talk to yourself.

Depression, overeating, drinking and so on are things that people who don’t feel good about themselves do. And when they do them they later chide themselves for that bad behavior and so the vicious cycle go on and on.  You wouldn’t eat a little rat poison every day would you? And yet every day that you hate on you is a day that you ate a little rat poison.

The solution? Know who you are and love who you are. Make a list of the things you like about yourself and add to it every day until. Give yourself small goals that don’t take long to hit and add those to that list. And stop saying hurtful things to you. Now.

Optical Illusions

Ever see a drawing or a grid and see one thing only to be told to look for another? Then when you look again you see the other thing? Yeah, I’m talking about optical illusions and I find then fascinating.

Even look down a set of train tracks and notice way off in the distance the two rails look as if they converge? Like I said, optical illusions are interesting.

Your life can be like an optical illusion too, the apparent circumstances can show you one picture when the reality is another picture is right there too. The thing about these illusions to remember is perspective.

There have been documented examples of people who died because of what they thought was true but really wasn’t. People who died after falling, drown in shallow water, even one man who froze to death in a non-functioning refrigeration boxcar in 60 degree weather.

I played Texas Hold’em poker with some friends recently. One of my friends kept folding and then when the hand was over would often say, I had a full house, or I had a straight! But she also kept saying I never win, I’m not very lucky and other negative things. When she would play the hand she hardly ever won. So what was going on? She saw herself as unlucky, she never saw what the cards in her pocket could be and she convinced herself that it was better and safer to never take a chance yet when she did it was with the expectation that she would lose.

And so it is in life; you may not take a chance because you expect it to not work out, you may quit just as you were about to succeed, or you might totally misread what is right there in front of you.

So practice seeing everything from both sides and see what you discover.

Know Your Limit

I know that self growth experts tell you that you can do, be and have whatever it is that you want, that you are an unlimited being and so on but you actually do have some limits.

What are your limits? Well, it has to do with your goals and the universe. Say you want to make ten thousand dollars a month. That’s a good goal; it’s specific but not limiting. But if you were to have a goal of make ten thousand dollars a month working at the onion factory (or wherever you do work) then that would not work at all and you’d probably miss the opportunity that would get you that ten thousand dollar a month income.

Or say that you want a great relationship with someone. Can’t say, I want to live happily ever after with Susie Sunshine because Susie just might be all wrong for you and you’d miss Rebecca Right.

I could give you more examples but I think you can see my point; it’s great to have specific goals for your desired end result just as long as you don’t try to tell the universe HOW that should happen.

Who Are You?

If you are like me you notice that commercials tend to be seasonal; no I don’t just mean Christmas ads or ads for lawn care,  allergies or cold remedies, I mean cruises, vacations and most importantly-weight loss.

Most advertisements are about the consumer being dissatisfied with something and weight loss is all about that. So what does that have to do with anything especially self growth? Glad you asked, people who are dissatisfied with themselves will find only temporary fixes in diets or other aids. The only way to make any lasting change is to love yourself just the way you are because what you see on the outside is only a manifestation of what you have going on inside. When you accept yourself you allow your inner you to show up.

I had a friend that struggle with this very issue for years. She tried what she thought was every diet under the sun and she would usually get some results but eventually she was back where she started. One day she told me she was giving up and I suggested she read a book by Louise Hay. That was several months ago and I saw her over the holidays. She looked great and I asked her what she was doing. She said she was doing the book I recommended and the weight was just falling off. She also said that she was happier than she had ever been.

Imagine what could happen for you if you became satisfied with who you are.

Just a Quick Thought

I’ve have been thinking since my last post that the one thing I should have shared about goals was something I learned from the late Jim Rohn; set big goals for what it’ll make of you to achieve them. That’s a good thought but it’s not just true for the big goals, it’s also true for all your goals.

In my last post I said take at least 15-20 minutes a day to work on your goals. The reason I said that is not just because that’s how you reach your goals, it is because that is how you develop the habits and discipline that make you a better, happier and more prosperous person.

And becoming a better person is a goal we might all want to embrace. I know it’s one of my goals.

New Years Resolutions

Okay, so it’s a brand new year and if you took my advice last week you reflected on last year and made a new goal list. So what really is a goal but a resolution? A resolve to get something, make something happen or be something different. The mistake that some people make when they start toward a resolution is to try to go too fast, too try to make it happen too quickly and then when they don’t get instant or even fast results, they give up.

Often that’s how it is for people who join health clubs or go on a diet at the first of every year. So how do you make a resolution that works?

Think about it this way; if your house was a big mess you could clean it up 15 or 20 minutes a day or all at once. If you go for all at once chances are you will quit before you really get it done and it won’t stay clean but if you work on it for 15-20 a day you will get it done and by the time you finish you will have formed a habit that continues so the house stays clean.

Your goals are no different. Spend a few minutes a day working toward them instead of a lot of  hours every once in a while and you will get much better results not to mention developing habits that will serve you well.