Getting ‘Unstuck’

It’s easy to get stuck. You just let one negative or unproductive thought loop around in your head and voila’ you are stuck. What is not as easy is to get unstuck. It’s replacing a bad habit with a good one and while it is simple it is not always easy. It has been my experience that people commonly become stuck in relationships, self-worth and money but a person can be stuck in any aspect of their life. Same principles apply for getting unstuck.

1. Recognize that you are stuck. See that you are repeating the same thoughts over & over and getting results that you don’t like.

2. Find something that is more pleasing to occupy your thoughts.

I received an email from someone about two years ago. He was in dire financial straits and saw no way out. I called him and during the conversation I got him to see that all he ever really thought about was money (or his lack of it) & to change things he needed something else to think about. A bit later he mentioned he liked to cook. I suggested that he replace his thoughts of money with thoughts of food, of recipes etc. I kept in contact with him weekly and in less than thirty days he had started turning his life around. He had focused on entertaining on a shoestring and mentioned it to a friend. That friend hired him to be his ‘party assistant’. Within six months this man was so busy he was thinking about taking on a partner. When his focus changed so did his life.

I recently spoke with a young lady who was unhappy with her fiancé. I told her that if she could only think about the qualities or behaviors of his that she did not like then she might as well not marry him because those would only increase. I asked her what about him made her love him in the beginning. She told me and I advised her to think thoughts of those good qualities and let go of those negative thoughts about him.  She called me back less than a week later to thank me because they were now getting along so much better and she could now see that she created negativity so when she released it positive feelings could prevail.

And thanks are the second part of being unstuck. You become what you think about and what you thank about. If you aren’t grateful for things it’s because you either take your good for granted (and it will soon be gone) or else what you have already created is very negative you can no longer see what there is to be grateful for. So you need to start a gratitude list. You need to see that no matter how bad you think about have it (and stop doing that please!) there is still much to be thankful for. Be thankful for the goodness that is now coming into your life-even if you haven’t seen it yet. Replace thoughts of what you don’t like with thanks for everything you DO like.

Your life is yours to create. If you don’t like what you have created so far, take responsibility. Don’t blame anyone or anything not even yourself. Whatever your life is; good, bad or boring, you had something to learn and now that it is  learned you can create something new and if you like-something wonderful.

Go Ahead-Give it to Yourself!!

Ever heard the expression ‘He or she is his/her own worst enemy’? Sure you have. So is it true? Usually it is. Today we will explore allowing and self-sabotage.

If you’re sitting there thinking that this is something that you do not do—think again. We all do it at some point in our life, some of us every single day. We shoot ourselves in the foot at work, with our mate, our children, friends even in our diet or exercise. And each time we do it there is a little voice inside our head saying, No, No, don’t do/say that! But we do it anyway. Why is that?

Well, there is no simple, easy answer and certainly no cure. This is a personal development issue and it requires constant effort. Now that’s not saying you can never change these habits, you can change any aspect of your life but it is saying that creep happens when you don’t pay attention. This is why personal development or self growth is a daily habit that the forward thinking person wants to cultivate.

So what answers can I give you? Self-sabotage comes from guilt, habit and belief. When it comes from guilt it is because you are not understanding that being guilty is living in the past. Guilt should last long enough for you to admit your mistake to yourself, forgive yourself and resolve not to repeat the behavior and no longer. Punishment is not required. Obviously I am not referring to criminal behavior but I find that people often have no distinctions around types of guilt and they punish themselves just as much for noncriminal offenses as they would expect for criminal ones. What a waste ! What can you do about yesterday? You can learn from it and move forward or you can live in it forever and never move forward. Your choice.

Habit and belief are adopting from those around you. It may be a family thing, maybe cultural, doesn’t matter-its simply learned behavior and if those around you spread that habit of believing that good things don’t happen to us and perhaps even told you how bad you are when scolding you for some misdemeanor then a belief that you are unworthy may have been instilled into you. But here's a secret; we all feel unworthy. Even Bill Gates, even Martha Stewart, even The Donald. Maybe not all the time, maybe rarely but everyone feels unworthy sometimes. So you need to wake up and forgive yourself. You are who you say you are—IF you want to be. Your character is totally your responsibility and totally under your control and nobody else's so you can make a mistake or two and that doesn’t make you unworthy. You can allow yourself to be and do and have more. And that will happen if you let go of that self-defeating stuff and allow.

Once you allow yourself then you can start to allow others and that is important because some part of you already knows that not allowing others to be who they are is judging. NOT YOUR JOB! Well, okay, it could be your job 9-5 so to speak but outside of work hours, not your job.  Judging is the same as anger-it steals your joy. Its a poison. And anything you tell yourself to justify judging is just a story. The best way to lead is by example. The best way to tell people your opinion about how life should be conducted is to lead your own life that way. People can see for themselves if that is true. But when you say ‘do as I say not as I do’ what you are saying is ‘this is how to stay stuck.’

Dream Stealers

 

Have you ever had a dream taken away from you or taken one away from someone else? Hope you didn’t say no because of course you have. We all have. Been victims and thieves of someone's dream.

Picture a child all excited because of something they want to do or have and parents and older siblings laughing or deriding that dream. I don’t know of any child that has not had that experience. And then we perpetuate that by doing the exact same thing to other kids. When we grow up we do that to people that confide in us about the network marketing business they want to start, in spite of the fact that mlm’s have made more six figure income earners than any ‘employer’ out there. We do that to our kids when they say they want to accomplish things that they have no idea of the work, the investment or the whatever involved. We do that to our friends or family when they tell us about an goal for weight loss, or running a marathon, getting a great job or whatever and we do it when someone shares an idea they have for a business, product or service.  But there is good news.

You don’t have to be a dream stealer after today. In fact, knowing what you now know you will be unable to steal anyone's dream ever again without feeling the guilt.

So how DO you respond when someone shares their dream and it seems impossible to you? Simple, don’t be negative. Instead of you talking and judging, ask them questions. Ask them to explain how they will make it happen. And even if they are someone that has tried and failed more than once, bite your tongue, Thomas Edison tired and failed to perfect the incandecent light bulb over 1000 times before he found the way that worked. Open up to the possibility that what they want is something that can happen. And wake up to the fact that human beings are remarkable and can do remarkable things and have done remarkable things. And age is not a factor. Bill Gates made more money when he was thirteen years old than most people make in a year when they are adults. Because nobody told him he couldn’t. And now that you are awake, its time to daydream a bit. Think of what you could be, do or have if you just had a dream and the desire to fulfill it.

May I take Your Order Please?

That’s what the Universe says to each of us every single day. And we all answer in the thoughts that dominate our mind. Understanding this makes all the difference in the world when it comes to manifesting the things that you want into your life. Some people have learned that you ask, believe and receive but when they don’t get what they ask for decide that the formula doesn’t really work.

Regular readers will know that this post is a continuation of my post ‘Do you want fries with that?’ but that’s okay, you can never visit this subject too often. So let’s start with an example; Darlene just moved to a new area, she has no job and knows very few people in this new town. Every day she wakes up and spends most of her day thinking about the need for a job. So for two months Darlene has not had a job. It isn’t that she doesn’t think positively about the Universe providing her with a job, she knows that it will happen but what she may not see is that her predominate thoughts are of the need for a job. Now let’s look at this a different way; You decide that you want to change the look of your bedroom. You look through the catalog and find the perfect bedroom set so you call and place your order. Do you tell the person that took your order that you’ll just stay on the phone til it arrives? No you do not. Because you know its coming and you have things to do. Do you think about it all the time? Probably not. You might think about related subjects like the need for different carpet (if you have carpet) or painting the walls but basically you can move on. Darlene getting a job really is no different.

Mike Dooley says it best; Do what you can, from where you are, with what you’ve got. So you want a new job; put out your resume or applications. That’s what you can do but is it all you can do? No, spend some time, not thinking about the need for a job, but in doing things that can make you more attractive to an employer. Join Toastmasters or some other group and learn to give great presentations. Volunteer somewhere. Look around your town or city for free classes. Learn more computer skills (is there any employer on the planet that hates it when you improve basic skills?) Spend a bit of time thinking of ways to hone your skills not allowing thoughts of what you don’t have to fill your time. Find things that you love to do, things that make you feel good to be alive and the Universe will respond with more things that make you happy to be alive.

When you ask and then think of little or nothing else, belief isn’t happening so receiving never can. All you are doing is asking over and over again. Get busy with something else instead. That is key to ‘acting as if’.

I will leave you with what I think is a great quote from Stephen Covey author of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”; Each of us tends to think we see things as they are, that we are objective. But this is not the case. We see the world, not as it is, but as we are—or as we are conditioned to see it.

Coming Soon!!!

I have decided to take a page from my husbands book and install live writer onto my computer. I beliee that by doing that I will be more likely to write better posts that are consistant. Now that's not to say that I think I am a bad writer, on the contrary, I know that I write fairly well. But, all the same, sometimes I am trying not to take any breaks because the last two times I did that I had a deuce of a time getting my stuff to publish. I dislike rewriting a post. Intensely.

What I do like though, is to write something that is worth sharing. Today I want to share with you all that I am tired of seeing my browser' home page come up and being hit in the face with all this opinion being presented as fact. Did you know that 90% of the information you receive on a daily basis is opinion and only 10% is fact? Of course my blog is no different but I am not posting a banner like; are these products as good as the ads say they are? and then having a slide show tht is no more than a commercial for various products???

Study those links and a pattern will emerge; these are people trying to make a living on the internet and many of them are simply posts for their blogs. Take the Daily Dose for example. I am not knocking Dr. Mercola or anyone else here but I think that people should THINK about what they read. Is there any evidence cited? Are they demanding you buy before any 'facts' are really revealed? Is the fact and opinion clearly delineated? Does the fact that this bothering me say something about the validity of what is being presented or my fear that people are accepting opinion as fact without any thought whatsoever? Wait, I have more faith in people than that don't I? Sadly, no don't. My faith is in those who actively stretch, those who work harder on themselves than they do on their job. Do you know many of those?

Is Necessity the Mother of Invention?

We have all heard the expression 'Necessity is the mother of invention' but I disagree; dissatisfaction is the mother of invention and I think that is just simple logic. How many things were invented because we didn't like the way we had to do them, how much time or effort something took, etc. But necessity? What is necessary and what is not? I think necessity is the mother of adaptation. Dissatisfaction can either lead to complaining and doing nothing about it or action and a solution.

I read something online today from a woman who said she and her family had tried an experiment of not complaining which wasn't very successful. She referenced a book by a man in Missouri who said we'd all be happier if we didn't complain. I beg to differ; I say we need to stop judging instead. Dissatisfaction is important because it leads us to solutions that improve things for everyone. Complaining starts fights and makes people upset. It all lives inside the 'shoulds'. An example of this would be my sister-in-law talking about the meal they had at a fancy restaurant last night. She says the soup was too cold. A judgment that when shared with the staff at the restaurant only makes them defensive and not good. What if she had said instead--The soup was not as warm as I prefer my soup? She is still complaining but in a way that gives the receipient an opportunity not to feel totally condemned. Yes, I know its not the best example but it starts us in the right direction and I wanted to use something from today. So I will try again;
Your child, who lives away from home, visits and his/her car is very dirty and has lots of 'stuff' inside. Your could complain about what a slob your child is, upsetting both of you and ruining the visit or you could say something like "I prefer to drive a clean car, it makes me feel better. The child does not feel attacked and dialogue can happen. You may find out that the child loaned the car to someone and just got it back that morning. You might find that because they didn't feel attacked the visit isn't ruined and the next time they visit the car is clean.

So now that I have given you a couple of examples you can see that what I'm saying is that complaining is okay blaming is not. The things that you want to have happen will come about much more readily if you allow someone to judge themself rather than pushing them up against the wall and making them defensive.

This is much easiler to do if you keep in mind how you feel when someone starts a conversation with you by saying to you; You should have.....

Where have I been? Does it matter?

So yeah, there I was back to blogging on a regular basis and then bam, nothing. What happened? Did I go on vacation? Go into the hospital? Just drag up? Computer crash? The reality is that is does not matter because everything happens exactly the way its supposed to whether or not we like it while its happening. And thats what I want to talk about today; the while its happening thing.

For many of us, when we start to learn about the 'law of attraction' for those of you that prefer that expression, that 'thoughts become things' for others and straight up--when you learn that you are the creator of your life, but I digress. When you learn that you are creating every minute of every day you might become excited about that and decide you want these great big 'dreams' to come true. And then when they don't happen right away or horror, what seems like the opposite happens, you start to doubt that the thoughts that you think create the things in your life. And you start to shut down. And you may become more pessimestic about everything. And lots of bad stuff might happen as a result of those pessimestic thoughts, when the reality was a more likely; this is what it looked like while it was happening!

Yes, I do mean that the Universe may take you to a place that looks a million miles away from what you wanted.The main reason I have found for that is because you were likely deciding on the HOW. Case in point; I know a guy, Dan, who decided to seek his fortune by opening his own body shop. He had lots of training & skills for this and big dreams for his life. And when he learned about manifesting he decided his shop was his ticket to financial freedom.He took lots of risks with his business, sure that next month and then the next month and so on, that the risks would pay off. But no; Dan lost everything. And after that he had to start over. It was devastating to him & his family. He got a job in another body shop thinking that this would be his life until retirement but a funny thing happened.

He was working at that body shop for less than a year when a particular customer came in with a car he was restoring. He wanted a custom paint job on that car and Dan was very well know for his painting skills. That customer was very impressed with Dan's work and offered him a job at his marina, in the boat shop. Dan went to work for the man and was soon promoted to running the shop at the marina. Over the next five years, Dan and the man became good friends & when the man retired he sold the marina to Dan. That was over ten years ago and today Dan is a wealthy man. He has tripled the size and scope of the marina and now makes over a million dollars a year doing something he loves.

The last time that Dan and I spoke he told me that he never really enjoyed working in a body shop. He liked that he had good skills but never loved cars all that much but that he had always had a passion for boats and water sports. The universe knew what was right for Dan and it knows what is right for you. Sometimes it can be tricky to understand what the universe is trying to say but remember;
Don't try to figure out the HOW, either do what you are already doing but do it better or do what you love.

Stay away from should's there are no should's or shouldn'ts

Pay attention to hurdles, walls and roadblocks. Jump a hurdle but don't try to force a wall or roadblock--you venture into the hows. Sometimes the universe takes you through some big changes that may not be very comfortable; you can resist and perpuate that or you can move with the universe. More on that next time.

Creating with words

I know you have all heard the expression be careful what you wish for.... Well, its the same for what you speak. You create with your thoughts and your words so I have an experiment inspired by Mike Dooley.

For the next week or so you will affirm the opposite of what you normally do in regards to say, photos. These days everyone has a camera whether its a Kodiak digital or a phone camera. I used to hate having my picture taken because I never thought I was photogenic but what I discovered was once I started saying out loud 'I am so photogenic, I cannot take a bad picture. The camera loves me' guess what? I haven't taken a bad pic since. Now you can do the same; if you think you are photogenic say the opposite or vice versa. Its a simple and harmless way to prove to yourself that you do in fact, create your reality.

Then once you have proven it to yourself--blow it out--think of the negative things in your life that you could change if you would just stop affirming it!!!!

Understand however, if you have a desire for something, action must accompany the desire. You can't sit in front of the computer and think the ship of your dreams will sail up the driveway. All the same, when you stop affirming that people always act this, that or the other way, when you stop saying you are so tired or busy or stressed and start saying positive things about having so much energy, feeling so great, being so organized that you manage your time so well, that you are so greatful to be so happy and stress-free-when you change your affirmations you WILL see a difference. It might not happen the first day or even the second but keep doing it. Put some emotion behind it, look around and see what there is to be grateful for. The secret for attaining the desires of your heart is to feel good. The secret to feeling good is to refuse to hold onto bad. Just set it free, let go of grudges & anger or resentment, let go of worry; focus on what there is to be grateful for. Its not that your should be happy with what you've got--it's that you should be grateful for what you have. And when you are truly appreciative of the value of what is right there for you--that is when more will be given to you.

You Are A Student!

I talk to so many people that say that they never read any books for self growth. Then they mention that they read the Bible. Duh, the Bible is one of the oldest self growth books ever! But the trouble is that they don't read it often enough and never really reflect on the message.

Many people who do read, listen to or watch our recommended materials don't take any notes while they are reading, listening or watching. How can you hope to get the most out of it if you don't take any notes? When I read a book I put a piece of clean printer paper folded in half inside the book and not only use it for my bookmark, I also write page numbers and notes on it, when I'm done with the book I transfer any of those notes I need to another paper and leave that one in the book. I do this for the next reader whether that be me rereading the book or someone else in the hopes that they will get more out of the book that way.

When I listen to audios or watch videos I take notes so I don't miss anything. I even take notes when I watch Joel Osteen!

Now I know that some of you might be thinking why would she take all these notes? Why does she do personal development? Its a really simple answer. You are a student regardless of your awareness of that fact. You absorb information and you have since day one. You cannot help it you cannot stop it but you can control to a certain extent what content you allow in. The only way to do that is to do your personal development every day. Need more reasons? What if I told you that 95% of the people never make even 100K a year. Ever. And that only 5% control almost every penny in the world. That is a fact. And what separates them from you is desire, willingness to work and never quit and the belief they can do it. Think that's not true? I've got 3 names for you;
Martha Stewart
Bill Gates
Oprah Winfrey

Ever heard the expression.......?

Change the way you see everything and everything will change. That's a deep thought isn't it? And yet lots of people never do that. Last night our town had its monthly meeting and things got rather heated. Angry words were exchanged and some of the board members walked out. I wished that I had been there but I had a conference call I could not miss; not that my being there would have made a real difference but you never know.

The bottom line here is that some of the elected officials refuse to follow the law regarding public meetings (like that an agenda must be posted and no agenda means no meeting) and what a motion that is seconded means. I don't care for politics especially politics in a small town but what I know is that unless these people start seeing each other differently nothing will ever get done. Each has locked into an idea of how the 'others' are and nobody seems willing to give that up. So what we have now is a feud brewing that could really hurt people.

What is being missed here is that for our town, the people on the board are usually the volunteers. There are some that do things around town that aren't on the board but mostly its board members. And understand that there are no paid positions in town at all. So if it snows, someone has to plow. If it floods, someone has to clean up the mud and logs left behind on the streets. Plenty of properties have been bought out by FEMA and are now grenspace. Those must be mowed. All of this is done by volunteers. And many people are mad at each other so some that do most of that volunteer work and not doing it. And the few that are end up having to do much more. Many hands make light work you know. It is August and the town dock is nowhere near the water.

The sad part is that these people are creating their own crap and blaming others for it but its the town that suffers. Its time for people to look at things with a new set of eyes I think. Instead of thinking about the problems and getting upset why not think about some solutions and focus on that. If everyone would just start at a place of understanding that we all want to live in a nice community and that only happens through cooperation then maybe we can work something out instead of just fighting and making things worse.

Suprise!

Yes its true, I am blogging two days in a row!!!! Haven't done that in a while! Is that discipline or what?

I had a very busy day today too and I still carved out a wee small bit of time to make this happen which shows me I can do that at least every other day. No excuses. It doesn't matter if I don't have a thousand followers that comment on all my posts, what if I am the only one who reads this? Isn't that what matters? So does that mean if I blog every day I don't have to keep a journal anymore? No it does not.

So what could you do if you made a decision and stuck to it?

It's all about discilpine

Your results in life are all about your discipline. Notice that I say this and yet I have not disciplined myself to post to my blog on a regular basis? I could make an excuse and say; oh nobody really reads it, I don't have tiem or they never submit comments, and so on but the truth of the matter is that it is not a priority. Why is that? No cheese down that hole. What does that mean?

It means that writing this blog has not been as fulfilling as I had planned. Part of that is because I haven't had that many viewers but part of it is that I had no clear direction when I created this blog so its been a mishmash of dross that no one apparently misses when its not there. now that is not me feeling sorry for myself, that is me acknowledging that I failed to adequately plan and produce not only quality but consistency.

I say all of this because I hope that you can see that planning is crucial to success. You can't set out to have a great blog that millions flock to and then it just happens any more than you can sit down and write a bestselling book. What you end up with is wasted time, effort and something nobody wants to read. Yes, I do know that I am a competent writer but attracting followers isn't just about the writing. The subjects, the writers personality and a lot more come thru too but ultimately its having a plan and being consistent with it for blogging or for anything else in life that brings success. You pay the price of discilpine or you pay the price of regret; either way you gotta pay.

Hope you all learned something here today. If you did that's great, find something in your life that you do in a halfassed way and either stop doing it or master it--there is no in between.